Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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