I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
