Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just invented taco cereal.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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