he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
