he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
