i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
