Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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