He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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