if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
