So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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