my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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