I heard we made out
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
