Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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