You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
