I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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