Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want nice things and good sex
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
