and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
