I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
