You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
