I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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