i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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