Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
