NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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