i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We are all done wearing pants today
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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