I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
