I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
