I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
