hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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