Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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