I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
