This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
