She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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