Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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