I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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