Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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