just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
