you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
