Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
