Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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