just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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