The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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