And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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