Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
In America we eat man semen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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