hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
