had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
