and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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