That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
