Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
