Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
FUCK WHALES
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
