I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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