My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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