Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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