Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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