Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
