that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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