So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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