I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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