I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
