You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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