how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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