well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
