I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
