I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
