Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
