I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
