smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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