First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize