we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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