I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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