allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
