one two three fourrrrnication!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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