I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
