just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
