soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
