Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude i'm inner monologue high
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
