ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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