Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
